alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
