You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
