How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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