I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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