Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
