and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
