yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
