This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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