if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
