I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
