I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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