I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
