I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
