I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
