I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
