The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
