the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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