Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
