i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
