New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
