I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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