that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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