3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
