Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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