So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
