a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
