well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
