she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
