end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
