we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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