In America we eat man semen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
