we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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