Someone shit on the floor
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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