i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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