I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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