wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
