i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
