already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
