My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
