i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
