I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
