I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All the doctor said was why
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
