RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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