I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
