Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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