That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
