She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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