I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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