Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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