the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
