cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I lost the right to judge tonight
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
