There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
