Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
