If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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