And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
