I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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