What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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