No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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